This week seems to have been all about communication. This isn’t a skill that comes naturally to me, coming from a line of ancestors who were taught to ‘put up and shut up’ and to uphold the stiff upper lip. This doesn’t bode well for anyone wanting to learn how to express themselves or even to know how they feel. More recently I have been developing my need to express myself and communicate, not just to listen, which I find much easier, but to express my own thoughts verbally to friends, family and colleagues, as the written word via this blog and via a video on YouTube. All pushing me well outside my zone of comfort and into challenging waters. The result has felt good each time. A development at a deep level. As I reach into the unspoken words of my ancestors, I feel compelled to explore and share my words as if to repay a debt that they endured by having to hold their tongues. To rewrite a pattern of learned behaviours and conditioning is not easy but comes with a deep satisfaction as you have to delve deeper and challenge each step of the way to find enough courage to continue.

Communication is about connecting to whomever or whatever you’re trying to communicate with. Our brains are programmed to desire connection with others and most of us are longing for connection and recognise that feeling connected to others is what we are longing for. However, the ability to communicate this or to use words, body language or expressions to feel connected to each other is, for me at least, challenging. I feel clumsy with the words I choose and rush out words without necessarily thinking about how those words will be received. That is why I prefer to listen, but listening only helps others to feel seen; it doesn’t help me feel like I am expressing myself and my needs successfully. Taking time to journal or write thoughts and feelings has definitely helped me to consolidate my scattered thoughts into something more clear and understandable, and this has helped my ability to connect with myself. A ‘work in progress’ but there is progress nonetheless and has been the first step towards better communication.

As usual, my chosen focus in these moments is to look to nature for inspiration. As part of nature ourselves, the lessons must be within our surroundings, if we are paying attention. Nature’s non-verbal communication seems to be effortless, or so it appears. Animals, even if they don’t do as we wish, are easy to communicate with and they understand our intentions the majority of the time so there must be an element of telepathy between us. Perhaps then, it is the complexity of words; how they are spoken and perceived that is the difficulty. Our own need to feel heard and understood relies on our ability to connect to others and to choose the right words and express them well enough that they are received how they are intended to be. Then for the listener to also choose the right words, expressed in the right way for us to receive. No wonder it is complicated and often goes awry. Perhaps, like this blog, it only needs to be an expression of what is within that matters, and how it is received becomes less important, as long as we communicate our authentic selves with compassion at the heart. Then we need to listen and connect with others so that they too feel seen and heard. With this connection we have the potential to become better communicators and to unravel the painful silences that have gone before.