I missed a week of writing for the first time since I started this blog in January. Admittedly, 6 months isn’t that long to be doing this, not compared to some, but as much as I tried to compile something last week, I couldn’t find anything much to say. Last weekend we were part of the annual Open Farm Sunday event. What a fabulous day we had and there were many lessons learned along the way. The amount of organisation, preparation and planning involved when running an open day is extraordinary and it never ceases to surprise me even though I have now done several. Equally the camaraderie and the generosity of friends, family and colleagues is also extraordinary and I am grateful and humbled by the kindness of so many.

However, it is exhausting holding an event like this and I am not sure I have quite yet recovered, and I certainly hadn’t when I sat down to write last week. Energetically and emotionally, it takes a lot out of me despite the fact that I enjoy it. This year was made worse by the fact that despite 400 people getting tickets, we only had 250 turn up which felt massively disappointing, especially as we couldn’t blame the weather which was glorious. There is a lot of food and drink left over and once again, the event ran at a loss. I keep running events that are loss-making despite trying really hard not to! I have now done several meditations on this and felt myself focus on the arrival of sufficient funds coming along but I clearly need to keep working on it as I am evidently not there yet.

On a more positive note, working alongside others gave the event a community feel and this, I realise, is what I personally crave. The support of others is nourishing to experience, especially when times get tough or problems arise, but not only that, during good times it deepens our experience and makes it all feel more fulfilling. How do we create more community? This is another question I have been trying to answer for several years and I also have yet to find the answer. When I contemplate this one, I feel I need to work on my patience. Keep doing what I am doing and it will come when the time is right. Patience is not my strong point. I am getting slightly better, but I am a long way from being much good at it.

This week I also went and looked at the crops now that there has finally been a bit of rain. Not enough rain early on is probably partly to blame, but the fields look awful. Very patchy cropping and a lot of weeds mixed in. This too is disappointing and whilst I was up for digging out weeds by hand in order to keep up with the organic approach, these fields feel overwhelming and I am not sure where to start, or whether I have the capacity; I can’t begin to think how long that will take to do by hand, but I have no idea how else to do it. No wonder most farmers resort to spraying them with weedkiller; it does feel as though that is the only practical solution. It must have felt like a God send when the first farmers were presented with this chemical solution all those years ago. It is no wonder that everyone grabbed the chance, not realising the downsides that would come years later. Anyway, we know the downsides now and for me, this isn’t an option, but what the practical solution could be I am not sure either. A large work party perhaps? This will create the desired community spirit and get a good job done at the same time but are there even people out there who want to come and pull out other people’s thistles? And if there are, how do I find them?

I seem to have come away from this week’s blog with an even longer ’to do’ list. Plenty still to work on, more questions to answer and much more to learn. At least I am now restored enough to keep striving on, digging deep and working on it. I didn’t feel like myself last week when there was no ‘umph’ left. The answers will come, I know, when I am ready for them, until then, I will work hard and keep doing whatever I can to be patient and wait for that glorious moment to arrive.