A storm blew up nearby this week, although not a meteorological one. Sucked into its wake, I felt angry, resentful and indignant at being affected by chaos that wasn’t my making. Consciously or unconsciously some people choose to live within choppy waters; perhaps it is what they have always known and riding the ups and downs presumably makes them feel alive so they unwittingly seek out volatility and pull others along with them for the ride. I don’t; I like the waters around me to remain calm, steady and balanced. Perhaps that is the Libra in me: forever seeking for my scales to balance out.

For the first time in my life I have realised that my job to simply to steady my ship, not get sucked into the vortex of any storm that brews up, but instead to hold the calm that is always present should one look to find it. Not easy for an empath like me but I feel I now have the skills and awareness to manage. Challenging, but possible. So as I watch the storm unfold, pulling others I love into its turbulence, I must remain steady and calm and focused on the ever present stillness within. It will be for their benefit as well as mine, as it will provide the much needed anchor for them to climb aboard whenever, or if, they may choose to do so. For it is not our job to change anyone other than ourselves, but to be the change we wish to see and then live it. So, I am focusing on keeping this ship steady, remaining focused on the present moment, as that is the only moment that actually exists, and in this moment, all is well.

I am suddenly grateful for the opportunity to practice keeping the ship steady and sheltered from this surrounding storm, for it requires practise like any other skill; I feel there is an even bigger storm brewing in the outer waters that may be heading our way, so any opportunity to practice holding stillness with micro-storms, is surely going to be useful in the times to come. To sit and feel gratitude is so much more peaceful than the anger, resentment and indignation I felt two days ago, and that too is helping me stay focused on the calm, and in fact, makes the calm feel bigger, more accessible and easier to hold.

I am grateful too for the opportunity this blog has given me to create clarity in my thoughts, to see these ‘storms’ with a slight distance and realising, for the first time, that I don’t need to enter its wake. In fact it is not helpful for me, or anyone else, if I do get sucked into the vortex. I have spent my life thus far paddling like fury on behalf of others, trying desperately to get us both out of the storm, exhausting myself in the process and really not helping them either as they would then sail off to find another storm for the process to be repeated. How lucky I am that I can objectively see that now and this time, I choose not to follow. My ship is staying in the calm bay that I have found, the one that is always hidden within the clouds, should anyone choose to look for it.